Teaching the Ex a Lesson

 Dear Bitter Single Guy: My ex-boyfriend has been calling me about once or twice a month for the last three years, all while I’ve been with my current amazing boyfriend. The ex supposedly calls to see how I'm doing in life, asking questions like "is your man keeping you happy in bed?" and "oh, you lost weight - can you send me some photos?”

Now the ex is getting married, and has invited my boyfriend and me to the wedding. Should I buy a hot-as-hell dress, attend this soiree and make him eat his heart out or should I pass on the invite, send him a gift and wish him the best, long distance style? My boyfriend seems fine with it but I wonder if it will end up a disaster. -- Want to Teach Him a Lesson

Dear WTHL: Shocked.  The Bitter Single Guy is shocked that you think he’s not paying attention to what’s going on here.  Three years, WTHL?    The BSG owns a phone that he can actually choose not to answer and if speaking to someone who is rude, the BSG can willfully terminate the call.  Why, the BSG wonders, have you been accepting these wildly inappropriate calls during the time you’ve been with your current amazing boyfriend? Why don’t you tell this Audacious Ape to leave you the hell alone?  The BSG knows why and you know why and you should be ashamed, WTHL.  You’re slightly titillated by the provocative questions your ex asks, and although you profess irritation, the BSG knows that you look forward to his regular calls.  Three years, WTHL? 

Here’s your answer.  Buy the hot-as-hell dress and take your current amazing boyfriend out for the time of his life. Come clean about your tacky attachment to your ex, then mail your congratulations to Audacious Ape (and condolences to his lucky new bride) then start treating him like he’s actually your ex.  Don’t make the BSG come over there. Sheesh.