Born Again Virginity

 Dear Bitter Single Guy: When my girlfriend and I first started dating, things were great and we had a healthy, normal sex life. Now after a year of dating she has become a born again virgin: she doesn't want to have sex or be sexual, period. In a moment of panic and complete idiocy I agreed to this, but not having sex was only the tip; our relationship has become devoid of all intimacy. Whenever I do anything romantic it always ends in a few, brief kisses and maybe a quick cuddle.

I know I should get up and leave. It feels like we're just incredibly close friends who coincidentally sleep in the same bed. I know that she does love me, but her lack of interest makes me feel unwanted and inadequate. I need something, one little thing that can help me turn this around. I'm sliding off the precipice and need to know that there's one blade of grass that I can grab. -- Grasping at Grass

Dear GAG: As you so poignantly point out to the Bitter Single Guy every relationship includes the grim Specter of Sexual Satisfaction lurking in the shadows, waiting to make everyone feel insecure and inadequate. What a glorious era of sexual repression we have brought down on ourselves.

GAG, the BSG is sadder than hell to tell you that, from personal experience, he understands where you're coming from. You believed that True Love would allow you to weather your girlfriends newly found virginity and that after some time passed and your relationship had become even more intimate and spiritually deep, that she would unlock the gates and admit you once again to Luscious Land. The BSG knows, brother. The BSG knows.

Sadly, while you were making sacrifices for the greater good, the Specter of Sexual Satisfaction emerged from hiding and made you feel all unwanted and inadequate and well….just un-sexy. In a perfect world, you would be able to go without the lovin' as long as it took, but that's some weird future world where people have evolved into something resembling dandelions that don't have arms, legs, or other festive body parts to get all wrapped up in each other.

GAG, get ready. You have to set the limit for your girlfriend and let her know that her choice to embrace abstinence isn't your choice, so you have to find someone who loves your mind AND your body.