BSG Commiserates with The Jilted

 My boyfriend of 4 years told me that he needs some time to be alone and have some space. We live an hour and half away from each other! We don't spend time together during the week so mostly see each other on the weekends. In the last 2 months or so I felt a change in him. Now he needs space, I am crushed, and he still says he loves me. I hate him for all the pain he is putting me through and not sure if I could ever forgive him or let him back into my life. How can someone say I love you not want to be in a relationship with you? How should I leave things off with him? Why is he doing this to me? Can 4 years of happiness be erased in 2 months? - Broken Hearted Chick

Dear BHC: The Bitter Single Guy has also recently had the opportunity to be stung by the lash of love-not-returned so he feels your pain (it smarts, eh BHC?).

BHC, you probably think that you know your dastardly boyfriend well enough to say that he's been as much in love with you as you are with him, yes? So you are finding yourself reeling from the smack upside the head upon learning that he has not been as deliriously in love as you have. This feels to you like a sudden change, like it's come out of the blue right?

Honestly BHC you don't really believe this tripe, do you? You know, but don't want to admit, that your dastardly boyfriend has undoubtedly wanted out for some time. Eventually when you can think clearly and coldly, you will also know that there are precious few options for an easy exit when one of two folks in a relationship is still Smitten with the big S. This would be you with the big S, BHC.

So there it is. The BSG is again amazed that his readers believe (OK, yes…the BSG also sometimes believes) that folks all experience love in the same fashion, frequency and intensity when we ALL know that's just not true! This is not just a men-from-Mars, women-from-Venus thang, folks. This is true across gender, class, hair styles and credit ratings. Otherwise, we would all just get paired up once and for all and the BSG would be writing scathing reviews of Mark Wahlberg movies instead of dispensing his advice here where he's most needed.

So, BH to answer your questions: #1 - You should leave things off with him by learning to appreciate the love you shared (this may take years of bitterness…the BSG has developed a writing career out of getting over his own bitterness. Channel yours into something equally festive). #2 - He is doing this to you because he is done with your relationship and he can think of no exit but this one. #3 - Yes, four years of happiness can be erased in two months. Heck, you can take it down a few notches in a matter of minutes if you're creative enough. #4 - Finally…yes, someone can say they love you but not want to be in a relationship with you in the same way they would tell you "it's not you, it's me", or "I need some space" (people, please don't ever believe that this is a request for actual physical space…this is an escape tactic). Sometimes there is no easy way out of a relationship and it just ends up sucking.