Dos Equis

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I have real problems getting over my last two ex boyfriends even though I am in a wonderful relationship with my current boyfriend. One ex is my first love and we were together 3 years, the other is my current ex and we were together for a year. I think I still have feelings for them both and I am truly torn since they are both interested in getting back together with me. I am happy with my current boyfriend but for how long? I don't want to hurt anyone but I feel like I am missing out on something. -- Torn Between Three

Dear T.B.T.: The Bitter Single Guy wants to tell you about Skipper The Wonder Dog. She is affectionate, loyal and protects the B.S.G.'s home from evil mailmen. When the B.S.G. gives her a treat, she is ecstatic with joy. Sadly, Skipper The Wonder Dog has a character flaw. If the B.S.G. walks away, she will drop the treat and run after him, thinking that there is a better treat to be had somewhere else. The obvious result? The B.S.G.'s Crafty Cat sneaks out from under the couch, steals the treat, and Skipper The Dog has none.

T.B.T., here is what the B.S.G. can guarantee you: if you leave Current Boyfriend for First Love Ex or for Current Ex (can an ex really be current?) you will regret it and miss Current Boyfriend. Eventually, with this dropping-your-treat-to-see-if-the-next-one-is-better, all these gentlemen will get tired of being toyed with and you, like Skipper The Wonder Dog, will be left with none. Settle down with your boyfriend, they're your ex's for a reason. - B.S.G.