Dumping the Trash

Dear B.S.G.,

I have been in a relationship with Mr. Trash for 4 years. He is wonderful or at least used to be. But he has a bit of a drinking problem. He drinks more than he does not. He also drinks until he is really really shit faced. As a result, he has said things, hit me, and even spit on me and has no recollection. I have dumped him but he keeps on calling and wanting me back. Of course he is sorry but every time I forgive him, it just seems to happen again. I just can't get over him. I don't know why I love him so much. I guess I just see him as the person he is when he is not drinking and that guy is great, but the man in the bottle is a total moron.

Do you think I just have low self esteem or could I just be afraid of being on my own? When I think of him, I remember the good things and that's what I miss. I try to forgive but where do you draw the line and know that a person will never change? Or can he?

If he ever offered someday to quit drinking or go to rehab do you think I consider taking him back? Or is it too late? Too much damage done?

Stupid Girl

Dear S.G.,

The Bitter Single Guy is concerned that you are telling him that you're in relationships with two different men! Man #1 is wonderful, or at least used to be. Man #2 (Mr. Trash) is an abusive alcoholic who has said mean things, spit on you and hit you in the past! S.G., are you kidding with the B.S.G.? You think back and remember the good things? Don't make the B.S.G. come over there.

Girlena, you need to get AWAY from this man! Yes, if you dump him he'll be sorry. Yes, if you dump him, he'll want to get back with you, and yes…. if you dump him he'll probably promise to enter re-hab. The MOST you should offer is that he may call you when he's been through re-hab and is a minimum of 12 months sober (the Friends of Bill W. recommend 12 months relationship-free at the start of sobriety).

The B.S.G.'s recommendation however, is that it's TOO LATE. Your 4 years with Mr. Trash have set the dynamics of your relationship in cement and unless he changes AND you change, there's not much hope for normalcy. If you can't separate yourself, the B.S.G. recommends getting yourself some professional help. If you DO separate and find yourself saddled with another alcoholic…the B.S.G. DEFINITELY recommends professional help.

Good luck, S.G.

B.S.G.