Emotional Blackmail

Dear Bitter Single Guy: My gf and I have been dating for over a year and everything is great except that she is impossible to argue with without there being tears. It drives me crazy that she will often get mad and pout over something stupid.  I really just don’t know what to do, because other than these little aspects of our relationship, everything is great, I could just use some advice. – An Prisoner of Emotion

Dear APE: The Bitter Single Guy is heading out onto the thin ice with this response, but you, his faithful readers, know that he is comfortable there.  APE, the BSG believes (unfortunately) that our culture has nurtured and supported different problem solving skills between the genders.  There are many Mars vs. Venus types who will tell you that these reactions are hard-wired into us, but the BSG is a believer in creating our own destiny.  Vague response? Of course, APE.

The BSG isn’t stupid enough to say out loud that girls are encouraged in the use of emotional manipulation to get what they want, any more than he would say that boys tend to be Neanderthal slaves to their sex drives. Let the BSG instead tell you that your only choice is how you respond to these situations with your Delicate Flower.  You have the opportunity to decide in the moment whether you hold responsibility for your girlfriend’s tears or pouting.  If you are unable to recognize your responsibility and she is unwilling to engage in solution-finding activities; let her pout.  Studiously ignore the well of tears that bubble up in her beautiful eyes and simply assume that she will take responsibility for her own emotional responses.  Basically, if she knows she can win an argument through tears or that you will take the blame for something if she pouts, she’s a damned fine negotiator in the BSG’s opinion. Own what you own, hand back what you don’t, APE.