I'm Not a Tool, Dammit

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I've been sleeping with my best friend for 3 years and he's had a girlfriend for that entire 3 years.  He complains about her all the time, says he doesn't think she is the one and that he is confused about whether or not to stay with her.  He tells me that when we have sex it is really special to him, and I know that he is being sincere.  He gets jealous when I date guys, and sometimes asks me not to.  I'm really confused about what he wants and what I should do.  I know the obvious answer is to stop having sex with him, but it isn't exactly that easy, and I don't really want to.  Does he love me; will we ever end up together? – Hoping For the Best

Dear HFB: You’re a tool. The Bitter Single Guy doesn’t believe there is any gentle way to say that, nor does he believe in coddling the clueless. You’re a tool and you’re letting this Lascivious Lout call the shots in this self-esteem-free relationship you’ve found yourself in. 

Read your own letter, HFB.  Read the part about how Lascivious Lout continues to date his girlfriend of 3 years, and then asks you not to date anyone else.  Read the part about how he complains about her to you, and then read the part where he says that sex with you is really special to him.  Really, HFB? Don’t make the BSG come over there.

Of course you don’t want to stop having sex with him; sex is fun and it feels good.  Besides, you have obviously convinced yourself that you have a special bond with Lascivious Lout and that his actual girlfriend doesn’t understand him like you do and for that reason you’re actually…you know…legitimate and stuff.

HFB, if you haven’t heard it before, hear it from the BSG: “If they’ll do it with you, they’ll do it to you.” Do you imagine that Lascivious Lout is going to dump his girlfriend of three years for you? Gracious, why would he do that when he apparently has everything he wants from you without having to do any relationship work at all? But let’s all take a moment and stretch our imaginations to the point where we can see him coming to you one day to tell you that he has left that unpleasant woman who was clearly ‘not the one’ for the past three years and is ready to be Happy Ever After with you!  Yay for you, HFB!

So the two of you enter into happy-fun-commitment-land and prepare to build your lives together. Except that Lascivious Lout has already demonstrated his propensity to ‘get his eggs from a different farm’ so how long do you believe it will be before some other girl is the ‘new you’? Heck…all he really has to do is break up with his current girlfriend and keep on having sex with her and nothing will have changed, right?!  Except you’re right…she probably has too much self esteem to sleep with someone else’s boyfriend.

Stop it, HFB.  You’re a tool and Lascivious Lout is using you (and don’t you tell the BSG that you’re ‘using each other so it’s OK’.  The BSG and you are both smarter than that).  Step away. Have no more sex with him. Trade no more of your soul for his spineless-ness.