Limbo Down on the Farm

Dear B.S.G.: Farm Girl (me) fell in love with Farm Guy. (I'm 23, he's 30.) After a year and a half things are going smoothly even though I have gone back to college two hours away from the farm. We have talked about marriage and Farm Guy is in no hurry. I can't push him into making a decision about marriage, and I don't want to. There are things that we both need to work on: I have anger management issues, and he avoids decision making.

I know he loves me, but he takes his time making decisions. How do I get over my feeling of being "in limbo"? -- Farm Girl in Limbo

Dear F.G.I.L.: The Bitter Single Guy loves the images you've given him here! He sees you in a powder blue gingham dress shielding your eyes from the sun as you peer across the chickens pecking at your feet. Your stoic man, pitchfork in hand, strides confidently across the newly plowed earth, has his shirt partially unbuttoned, takes you roughly in his arms and gazes at you with steely blue eyes. It's a fairy tale, F.G.I.L., or it would be if the B.S.G. didn't see this drama coming from the first words of your letter.

You have anger management problems and Farm Guy has trouble making decisions? Why don't you just walk around throwing gun powder in the air and he can walk around striking matches! The B.S.G. doesn't see how you're not at each other's throats! Oh well, perhaps that's love (ugh). OK, F.G.I.L., here's the secret…you're NOT in limbo. You're in a relationship! Every day in this relationship is a chance to learn, to grow, to be happier. What do you think is going to be different if you get married? You'll still be at school 2 hours away, or you'll quit school and come back to the farm (the B.S.G. has never said "come back to the farm" before… he liked it!). Anything you can accomplish in this relationship can be accomplished before you're married, except perhaps losing half your stuff in an ugly divorce. Chill out Girlena, you're 23 for goodness' sake.