Looking for The Spark

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I'm seeing a lovely guy. We get along great, he doesn't say stupid stuff and the sex is great, but I'm not feeling sparks! He's great on paper, but there ain't no chemistry working it's magic with this one. This other guy, who I'm not seeing, is glowing with electricity. He's high voltage in a dangerous way (history of infidelity). Do I persist with Mr. Nice Guy, or risk electrocution and go out with a bang? - Spark-less Chick

Dear S.L.C., The Bitter Single Guy is so appreciative of your search for both chemistry AND magic! Here, in the B.S.G. column, the sciences and the occult merge at last…it's beautiful. OK, S.L.C., back to your problem. The B.S.G. realizes that he will look like he is saying the opposite to you that he just said to S.U.F.G. (read a little up the page, the B.S.G. swears it's there), but he's willing to weather your criticism because there is a difference in commitment here…you haven't made the Big Commitment to No-Spark Boy. S.L.C., the Bitter Single Guy thinks you should bail on No-Spark Boy and take up with Electricity Man. You'll be excited, titillated, and will get butterflies in your stomach. The sky will seem bluer, you will hear the incessant chirping of birds, and you'll treasure each new day.

Of course, you know what else will happen…when the spark between you and Electricity Man dims, he'll be using all that voltage to light up someone else. At that point, the B.S.G. expects a letter from No-Spark Boy wondering if he should take you back after you dumped him. The B.S.G. is likely to advise him to make you suffer a little in order to whet your appetite. Best of luck, S.L.C. - B.S.G.