Misses His Girlfriend AND Isn't Getting Any

 Dear Bitter Single Guy: I was in a great relationship for almost 10 months. It ended mutually, with talk of just having "a little time apart". She went for another guy, and is still with him now, almost a year after our break up. I have casually dated a few girls, but have not had sex since I was with her, and find myself thinking of her CONSTANTLY. I don't see us getting back together anytime soon, but I can't seem to get over her. Any tips for mending my broken heart, and maybe some tips for getting laid too? - Ready to Move On

Dear RTMO: The Bitter Single Guy is pleased to see you for looking for a way out of the heartache of Leftover Love, and kudos also for adding in your desire to get laid. Like asking the genie for just one more wish, or like adding some sleazy rider onto an otherwise perfectly respectable bill in hopes that it will become a law including that sleaze baggage. Yes. Good for you, RTMO.

Here's the plan for you to shed yourself of Leftover Love AND hopefully get you some well-deserved nookie (many of the nookie-free are reading this now and thinking 'what the hell about ME?). RTMO you need a good old-fashioned rebound relationship. You need to find some girl who likes you more than you like her. Take her out on a few dates, wine her and dine her; make her feel special. With any luck she'll share her special gift with you too, and you can scratch that itch you've had since the loss of your ex-girlfriend. Then, when things reach the right fever pitch, end things with Rebound Girl and you will be rid you of all Leftover Love. You'll probably also feel a little scummy and dirty and will (hopefully) have some qualms about squashing the heart of the poor damsel whose only fault was liking your sorry self. These feelings of self-loathing are part of the package…wallow in them, RTMO.

By the way, you'll notice the BSG gives you no advice for re-capturing the girl for whom you're still carrying Leftover Love. That ship has sailed, dude.