Splenda Sweetened Pickles

No. The Bitter Single Guy says NO. 

The BSG always thinks of his readers first, you know that.  But sometimes it's necessary to take a stand, so tonight the BSG is taking a damn stand and saying NO to Splenda sweetened pickles.

Some of the BSG's readers will cringe in horror when he tells them about one of his favorite snacks, but the BSG doesn't care, he's brave that way.

Pickles and cheese.  Not just any pickles and not just any cheese, though.  Salty, tangy, sharp cheddar cheese; the Bitter Single Guy has been known to spend 5 or 6 bucks for a smallish brick of cheese if it's one that the BSG knows is going to make his toes curl a little.  This is not cheese that is ever melted in a microwave to mix with salsa in a jar, this is not nacho cheese and there is no grocery store brand that comes close to the right delectable flavor and crumbliness of exactly the right sharp cheddar cheese.  The BSG feels strongly about this, you're getting that.

And the pickles, this is really about the pickles.   Crunchy-sweet bread & butter pickles, often canned with onions which makes some of you think the BSG is crazy, but this is the thing about bread & butter pickles, they're a little sweet, they're a little spicy and sometimes they're crunchy, although the BSG's gramma tells him that the ones she used to make were somewhat soft so they could more easily be eaten...you guessed it...on top of bread and butter.

So the BSG sat down tonight to bring more wisdom to you, his beloved readers.  He sliced the cheese into smooth 1/4 inch slices which he fanned artfully around the edge of a plate.  Ok, if the BSG had company, he would have fanned the cheese, but it's just him so he ate it right off the cutting board.

Then the pickles. A new jar, chilled overnight in the fridge, the BSG popped the seal on the jar, gently lifted the first lovely chip out and propped it on it's cheese platform and brought this wonderous repast to his waiting lips.

In horror, the BSG thought these pickles had been canned in Listerine, but NO!  Looking closer at the jar, the BSG read "No Sugar Added" and "Sweetened by Splenda"!  This is an abomination and the BSG wants ALL OF YOU to stand up right now and announce loudly "Let the sugar free folks eat raw cucumbers, and leave our damned pickles ALONE!"

Ok, the Bitter Single Guy thinks he's got that out of his system and he appreciates you sharing this moment of horror with him.  Unfortunately the only thing that would likely get this horrid taste out of the BSG's mouth is a peanut butter and bananas sandwich, but that's a whole different column.

Do it this week. Sharp cheddar and (full sugar) bread & butter pickles. It'll change your life, the BSG swears.