Walking Toward the Wild Side

Dear Bitter Single Guy: I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years but have recently not been able to stop thinking about another guy. I don’t even know this other guy well, we’re mostly acquaintances I guess, but I don't know why I can’t stop thinking about him.  I really care about my boyfriend, and I just want to hang out and get to know this mystery crush a little better and maybe I would find out if there's more behind my infatuation.  The only problem is that I'm not sure how to approach this guy without making myself look stupid.  I just need to make sure that there's nothing there how should I approach my infatuation? Walking Toward the Wild Side

Dear WTWS: The Bitter Single Guy understands why you came to him and not one of the other random advice columnists out there.  The BSG has been the champion of the non-committal, the fun-seekers and other relationship explorers.

But just now, with this letter, the BSG has to expose the lie you’re telling yourself WTWS, and has to refuse to go to that dark place with you. The BSG is reminded of very young children (babies, toddlers, whatever…they all run together for the BSG) who will play happily with a bright, shiny toy right up until another toy is presented.  Then the old boring toy is cast aside without a second glance to grab at the new one.

This behavior persists until well into adolescence when it’s repeated as a relationship technique. You know the pattern…you meet someone, you hang out and it’s all good, and then you get the sneaking suspicion that you might be able to do better so you dump this wonderful person in favor of something that doesn’t exist.  Probably this type of ignorant optimism is what keeps the human race going.

Enough blathering, WTWS; let’s get to the point. Infatuation Boy is highly unlikely to be anything other than a time bomb in your current good relationship.  You yourself use the ‘infatuation’ word and infatuations can’t last; you know this as well as the BSG does.  Spend another three months doing nothing and if the infatuation doesn’t go away, explore it.  But know that this impulse could be the end of your relationship and you’re likely to find yourself single.